It's Never Easy
by Agron-Riveraa
Summary: Your life is meant to be easy right now, amazing even. But one small, minor, okay huge detail is bringing you down, will you get back up? Shayley RPF! Set in Ashley's POV.


**I'm re-posting this! :) it was my first Shayley fic and I can't remember weather I posted chapters or not but it's only 4,000 words so I'm leaving it as a one-shot :) Enjoy :)**

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><p>It's not like its easy, waking up every morning at 4am to get to set on time for hair, make-up and wardrobe. It's not easy especially when you only got to sleep 2 hours ago because ever since you joined this project you can't sleep. It's not easy when all you can do is think about someone while you make your coffee, take your shower and drive to work. And it's certainly not easy when you have to work along side that person as their best friend, oh and being friends off-set too? Of course that was going to happen but you never expected to feel this way, especially since it's all new to you and far too confused that it takes over half your life.<p>

You walk into the studio and are greeted by the various crew that set up all the lighting and the cameras ect. You make your way to your dressing room, waving to some random people who you pass everyday but don't even bother to talk to. You see a familiar brunette and you walk up to her.

"Morning" you say, trying your best to sound cheerful but fail miserably.

"Hey" Lucy says as she greets you with a hug. She's the only one who knows about your feelings after a drunken confession at an after party. You had seen her dancing with some guy whose show had just won an award so you went off and raided the alcohol.

"How are you?" you ask, wondering how long until the old 'Shay' they used to know will come back.

"Fine, you?" she asks and you know that she is actually concerned and isn't just trying to be polite.

You give her a small shrug but you don't answer her question, she looks at you with her deep brown eye full of concern, she's truly worried but she keeps her secret. It's crazy how your first project could relate so much to you.

You head inside your dressing room and stare at yourself in the mirror, you look at your disheveled hair and your tired face, you make yourself look so obvious but everyone is just too kind to say anything. You change into your costume and make your way over to hair and make-up in which you are in desperate need for. You sip absent mindedly at your coffee as everyone else around you talks. Your reading the latest 'Vouge' when Troian comes in, you greet her with a nod and she smiles at you. She notices that you have changed and has tried to push the subject with you dozens of times but you can't let others know, if it gets out then she would hate you.

Its pretty quiet in the morning, everyone is usually off in their own world or practically sleeping on their chairs. You're thankful that this scene your shooting now doesn't involve her but you know one way or another you will see her like you basically see her every day. You know that she loves you, as a best friend only. She calls you every night and hugs you every day, even if you don't see each other at work she calls you up and makes you come to lunch and of course you can never say no to her. The worst times though is when you have to go to different locations to film and have to share a room and sometimes a bed with her, even though there are enough rooms for all four of them to have separate rooms, she always insists that you share with her, she likes to call them your little "sleepovers".

Of course you play along with all her fun games and smile as she laughs and smile even bigger as she laughs at your jokes. No matter how much it breaks you inside you stay for her, it makes her happy but you wish it was different every night. It takes all of your willpower to not cuddle into her and hold her all night as you sleep, your heart doesn't stop racing until you get back to your apartment where you just break down and wish things were different.

You read over your lines and soon realize that you have a scene with her soon. You read the lines carefully, trying to memorize everything so that when the time comes you only have to do one take. Marlene calls you over along with Tyler to shoot a quick scene. He tries to make a little joke but you're not in the mood to even bother with him but you giggle along anyway. You finish your scene with a little bit of an edge but you smile and pretend you were just acting, when you actually are pretty angry, at what, you don't know.

You're sitting in your dressing room, browsing the web and listening to some of your favorite music to try and stop your thoughts. Someone knocks on your door but you don't hear it because of the loud music in your ears, suddenly you feel a body on top of you and you almost shit your pants. You turn around to snap at the person that did it but as soon as you see who it is your heart clenches up and you can't stop breathing. Ashley's on top of you and your face to face on a couch-bed thing and she's smiling like crazy. You feel a smile break out on your face and all the blood rush to your face.

"Hey girl what are you doing" Ashley says as she gets off you and stands up. You follow her lead and sit up.

"Nothing much, when did you get here?" You ask, playing with a loose strand of your hair.

"Just now, its almost time to shoot out scene and I wanted to see my favorite girl" You love the way she's always so enthusiastic about everything, it makes you want to do the same even though whenever you're near her your heart feels like in shredding.

You giggle at her little joke/compliment and just watch her as she prances around the room picking things up and looking at your clothes.

"Wow your wardrobe is not you at all" she says.

"I know, but most of it is comfortable so I don't mind" You say trying to act as normal as possible.

"I think you look adorable in everything you wear." She comments without even looking at you. You feel your blush getting bigger and you shy your eyes away from her. "I'm seriously, your one of the most beautiful girls I know."

You squirm uncomfortable where your sitting, she usually compliments you like this and your reactions never change. "You're amazing, you know that right?" You say and you mean it in every way possible.

"Yup, I know" she says smiling back at her. You like the way she always jokes around and how she can laugh at herself without a care.

_Knock knock knock _

"Ashley are you in there? They want you in hair and make-up" called one of the producers.

"I'll be out in a second!"Ashley calls. "Work calls cutie" she says to you as she hugs you and walks out to where she needs to be.

You let out a breathe you didn't know you were holding and wonder when all this is just going to end. She can't keep it bottled up forever, soon it's going to come bursting out and she's not going to be able to stop it.  
>~~~~~<p>

You're in a gorgeous, fitting black dress that shows off all the curves of your body. The paparazzi snap pictures of you as you walk and you smile your way through even though the flashes hurt your eyes. You se Ashley and Lucy ahead and you think they look heavenly but Ashley especially. Her blonde hair is cascading down is a very 'Hanna Marin' way while yours is all combed to one side. Her dress is black as well with a hint of blue in it. The lights from the flashes bounce of her glowing skin and make her sparkle. You try to walk without stumbling as you reach them. Ashley greets you with a hug and you hug back just as enthusiastically for the cameras. You see Lucy smiling her dashing pearly white smile at you, Troian isn't here yet but you know she's going to look amazing too.

You're at the season 1 wrap party for the show and you see all the boys looking hansom, dancing around happily. You know you're going to be back to filming soon anyway and you smile at all your friends and think about how blessed you are to have done this. Ashley is holding your hand and leading you to a table, you wish she would keep it there but as soon as you reach the table she lets go.

"How have you guys been?" Ashley asks being her bubbly excited self as usual.

"Good" You and Lucy say at the same time.

You can see Lucy staring at you, trying to tell you silently that you need to smile but you just can't, you've been like this for a while so you guess that everyone is used to it by now, except the cameras of course but they are currently hidden so what's the point. Your offered some champagne and you take one without question and down the while thing.

"Woah there girl, easy!" Ashley says watching you grab another glass.

You just shoot her a look that said 'not right now' and down your second glass. You wish it would hit you faster because you need something to make you feel numb so you could try to have fun. You feel someone touch your arm and you jump a little.

"Hey are you alright?" Ashley asks with deep concern filling her eyes.

"It's nothing" You say and try to walk away but she has a firm grip on you.

"No, I know you Shay and you haven't been yourself for a while." She pushes the subject and you wish she would just shut up.

"Not here" You say glaring at her.

"Then where? I want you to talk to me"

"It's not that easy" you say and with that you yank your arm out of her hand and walk off.  
>~~~~~<p>

You wake up the next morning with a horrible headache and no recollection of what you did last night except the last conversation you had with Ashley that didn't go so well. You get out of bed and walk towards the kitchen in search for Advil and a glass of water. You swallow the pills and grab your phone and check your messages.

You scroll through and find 10 missed calls from Lucy, 5 from Troian, 27 from Ashley and 50 texts from Ashley. This wasn't what you expected. _What the fuck. _That's the only thing running though your head as you read the messages.

_I'm worried about you_

_Where did you go?_

_Answer me!_

_Shay you're scaring me!_

_Call me_

_It's been 3 hours WHERE ARE YOU!_

_At least call me when you get these_

That's basically what they all said, the more you scroll through them the more terrible you feel. How could you have done this to her? Why was she so worried anyway?

You decide to do what she asked and call her. She picks up on the first ring.

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU! YOU SCARED ME SOO MUCH! LUCY AND TRIOAN COULDN'T GET YOU EITHER! NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!" Ashley screamed thought he phone before you could even get a 'hello' out.

You groan at the horrible pain she cause in your head, didn't she know how a hangover worked? "Ashley I don't remember where I went! All I remember was kind of yelling at you and then walking off with a drink in my hand. I'm sorry about that by the way."

"I didn't even know where you went, I was so worried." Ashley said and you can hear the pain in her voice as she said it and it confuses you a lot.

"I don't even know where I went. " You say.

"Well please next time just, try and cool it with the drinking or something." Ashley said.

"What the hell Ash? You're not my mom." You say, you are in no mood to have this conversation with her.

"I'm sorry but… I just.. I lo-… I care about you" You hear her stutter though the phone and make an audible gasp and suddenly you can hear the tone which signals that she hung up.

_What the fuck.  
><em>~~~~

Your heart is hammering in your chest. Did she just say? You question yourself as you pace around your small apartment. Your hangover long forgotten about as well as everything else. Which turned out horribly in the end since your manager just called saying you were late for an interview with TV week.

You throw on the clothes that were just lying around in your room and drive to the studio. You see the girls waiting there, all except Ashley.

"Where's Ashley?" You question them without even a proper greeting at first. They just shrug and glare at you. You give them a confused look before the camera crew comes in.

"Alright guys were going to get you into hair and make-up then wardrobe so we can start the photo shoot and the interview. Ashley won't be joining us today, she just called us in saying she was sick and couldn't make it." One of the ladies from TV week said.

You feel your heart pick up; did Ashley not want to see her? You start questioning yourself as you're pushed into your make up chair and they are poking and prodding at your face.

You're emotionally exhausted. They kept asking questions on your cast members and which one was your favorite or your best friend ect. You had to make up lies on the spot there trying to be as enthusiastic as you could; it's what you get paid for anyway. You hate the way your so cynical now, nothing can ever have a happy ending.

You drive home and try calling Ashley again. Back at the photo shoot you were also yelled at by Lucy and Troian but you could care less. Ashley was the only thing on your mind and contacting her was your main goal. You had to find out what she meant, she just left you hanging there and this could help you to either get over her or finally be with her and be happy. You try to not get your hopes up too high after you get Ashley's voicemail over and over again.  
>~~<p>

You've been at this for an hour and finally get fed up, if she's not going to answer you, you're just going to go get her. You jump back into your car and drive off to Ashley's place. You stop in front of her apartment complex and look up at the tallish building. You wonder if you actually have enough courage to go and do what your about to do.

_It's now or never._

You ring the buzzer and you're buzzed in automatically. You walk inside the building and up the stairs; yes you decided to take a route that would take longer, up to her apartment. You're ready to knock on her door when you suddenly freeze. Your heart starts to beat in your ears and suddenly you feel dizzy.

_This is crazy what are you doing! _You think to yourself. Confidence had always been a strong suit for you but right now it's like all of it had been drained. Your head starts spinning with possible scenarios. Will she never want to see you again? Will she accept you with open arms? Will she laugh at you and think it's all a joke? Will she just kiss you right then and there as she opens the door?

Okay now your going a little crazy.

_It's now or never._

_Knock knock knock._

"Come in" You hear her say in a quite lazy voice but you walk inside anyway and shut the door. "I didn't expect you so soon." Ashley continues to say.

"Were you expecting someone?" You say and you see her jump a little.

She's sitting on her couch facing the TV but not really watching it because you know that she never really watches Dr. Who. It looks like she's trying to breathe or something from where your standing. Maybe if you're quiet enough you can quickly sneak out.

You mentally slap yourself for even thinking like that, your going to do this. You have to.

"What.. why are you here?" Ashley spat out.

"I just.. I'm…" You didn't expect her to sound angry, did something happen?

"Well?" She says impatiently, standing up to face you.

"I.. You.. the phone call… I'm sorry." You stutter out, Ashley has never been rude to you and you've been caught off guard by her hostility.

"Don't worry about it, can you just go. My therapist will be here soon." Ashley says and sits back down on her couch, changing the channels on the tv.

"I…." You start to say, you have no idea what to do but you are just going to go with your heart. "No."

"Excuse me?" You hear Ashley say.

"No." You repeat and you go and sit next to her on the couch and face her, she looks away from you stubbornly. "I need to talk to you."

"What?" She says with her arms and legs crossed, still not looking at you.

"Ashley look at me, I don't think I can say this more that once." You say and you can feel your heart beat quicken as it drums in your ears. She turns to look at you with a serious face that you can't help but think it's so adorable and it calms you down a little.

She gives you a little nod as to say 'speak.'

"Ash, I.. This wasn't really meant to happen to me, my dream was to get on a show and start my acting career and continue to do movies and stuff, I guess that it can still happen but I didn't expect to change as much as I have." You say and you can see her expression soften a bit, you know she can tell this is serious and you take her hand in yours.

_It's now or never._

"I think that.. no I know that… you are an amazing person and my best friend. I knew from the first time that we spoke and automatically clicked that it was going to be us, best friend forever. But now it hurts to go to work, to see your face, to talk to you when all I want to do is kiss you." You've said it and as you look at her you can't read her anymore. You heart starts beating faster and you begin to think that you shouldn't have done this at all.

"It's just that.. You're so beautiful and I never expected to feel this way. I thought I was straight, well I still don't know what I am but all I know is that I love you." She still hasn't said anything and now you're getting really scared.

"Say something please." You beg and let go of her hand but she takes it back which shocks you, she's looking at you and you're looking deep into her eyes, her eyes are all watery and soon you notice that yours are too. Your vision begins to blur as you start freely crying. The next thing you know her beautiful lips are on yours and all you can barely realize what is happening before you start to kiss her back. She cups your jaw and deepens the kiss, you feel her tongue inside your mouth and you see stars, it's the most amazing feeling you have ever felt, better than anything you've dreamed of.

She pulls away and you open your eyes that you don't even remember closing. "I love you too" she says with the biggest smile you have ever seen on her, ever. You feel yourself smile as big as hers and you dive onto her and hug her with everything you've got. Your heart is beating really fast now and your stomach churns in the good way. A feeling of relief passes over you as you sit there, arms wrapped around each other and just smelling her.

"I was so scared you wouldn't feel the same way" Ashley says, "I almost told you I loved you over the phone today and it gave me a heart attack, I didn't go to the photo shoot incase you hated me or something."

"I was scared too, and no matter what I would never hate you Ash, never!" You say as you lean in to kiss her again. This time the kiss is far more heated and she's pushing you down onto the couch, lying on top of you. You feel your body tremble as she starts to roam her hands down your body. You move your hands to her waist and start to move them up and down, feeling the beautiful curves of her waist and a little skin.

_Knock Knock Knock_

She breaks away from you and you booth start giggling at the same time.

"Looks like I won't be needing my therapist anymore" Ashley smiled back to her old self.

"I can't believe you needed a therapist just for me" You say smiling as you both sit up and fix yourselves up. Ashley goes over to the door to greet her therapist and quickly tells her that she's no longer needed.

"So what were you planning on talking to her about?" You ask curiously.

"Oh just how much I loved you and how much it was killing me and how I had a razor blade in my bathroom cabinet ready to use it because I couldn't live without you" Ashley says.

You feel the color drain from your face and you're pretty sure she could see it.

"I'm joking doofus!" she replies jumping back on the couch and straddling your lap.

You swat her playfully on the arm. "Not funny!"

"You got to admit.. It was a little funny" Ashley says cupping your face with her hands.

You start giggling and so does she and you return to kissing. Everything in your life is great at the moment and nothing hurts!  
>~~~~<p>

You wake up on the floor smiling; you look down to see the girl you love sleeping contently on your chest with a small smile on your face. You feel some pain in your head from falling off the couch during all the kissing you had been doing. You reach around to grab your phone and find that you are very, very late for work.

"Ashley! Ashley wake up!" You wish you didn't have to do this but you were going to be murdered by Marlene soon.

"Mmm hey baby" Ashley says planting a kiss on your lips and you feel your muscles immediately relax.

"Morning" You say and kiss her back eagerly but then you remember the time. You break away quickly and stand up.

"Shay what's wrong?" Ashley asks with a scared look on her face.

"We're late! Very very late!" You tell her as you toss her your cell phone so she could see the time. You watch as her eyes widen and she jumps up along with you.

"Hurry get the coffee! I'll get the keys and coats lets go!" Ashley yells springing into action.

You run into her small kitchen and put the coffee pot on, quickly brush your teeth over the kitchen sink and pee. You grab two paper cups full off coffee and race over to the front door where Ashley is standing, unlocking the door holding all your stuff. You hand her a cup and rush out the door to the car.  
>~~~<p>

You're at the studio and sitting in the car with Ashley, breathing heavily. "Ready?" she says

You nod and quickly plant a kiss on her oh-so-tempting lips and get out of the car, you meet her around the car and take her hand in yours, intertwining your fingers.

"Are we really gonna come out to them right now?" she asks.

"May as well, hopefully they will be blinded by our absolute adorableness and look past the fact that were about 4 hours late" You say sarcastically.

Ashley just smiles at you, "That's why I love you babe."

You walk through the doors of the studio, everything looks normal. You try and sneak around everyone but suddenly Lucy comes out of nowhere. She pulls the both of you into her dressing room and starts questioning you.

"Where have you guys been? Marlene is going insane and we're soo behind schedule!" Lucy says.

You look at Ashley with a knowing look and Ashley looks at you with the same look. "Fucking" You both say at the same time.

To say that Lucy was surprised would be an understatement. Her face was fucking hilarious and all you and Ashley do is all but fall to the floor laughing.

"What! Are you guys serious!" Lucy asks.

"No, but we were making out almost all night." Ashley answers pulling you closer to her and you lean into her touch.

Lucy's face breaks out into a smile. "That's adorable! Thank god you weren't really fucking because I could do without knowing that!"

All the girls start laughing and you steal a kiss from Ashley. Troian suddenly bursts into the room and screams "I WIN!" Suddenly Keegan, Tyler, Brendan, Brant and Ian walk in, giving $20 each to Troian as they walk in.

You just look at what's happening there all confused and when you look as Ashley you see that she's as confused as you are.

"Um…" Ashley says.

"Don't hate us" Troian says, "But we kind of made a bet on what was making Shay so unhappy."

You just glare at all of them. _What the hell?_

"I totally bet that you had feelings for Ashley, I totally saw it!" Troian says happily counting her money.

"I said that you had feelings for me" Keegan said laughing a bit, faking hurt.

"I said you were pregnant" Ian said and you look at him shocked, he just shrugs at you.

"I said you were upset because you had been cut form season 2. I was only guessing by the way!" Brendan said and now you were just starting to get offended.

"I said you had early menopause." Tyler says stepping back a little.

"You guys are horrible!" Ashley says trying to hide her laughter.

"I hate you all" You say as you move out of Ashley's arms and stomp to the corner of the room, acting like an immature child.

"Aww baby don't be upset!" Ashley says grabbing you out of the corner and wrapping her arms around your waist from behind, suddenly the height difference makes this weird but cute and you can't help but smile.

"I still hate you all, you're meant to comfort a friend when their upset not make bets on them." You say in a little voice, faking hurt.

"Sorry Shay." Troian says truthfully.

"Okay I love you now." You say to Troian and you hear Ashley clear her throat. "Yes Ashley I love her more than you."

You turn around and Ashley makes a face of fake hurt and surprise that you can't help but kiss it away. "You're adorable." You say to her, squeezing her face with your hands.

You hear the door open again and suddenly all chatter stops. "What are you all doing? We are way behind schedule here and I'm afraid were going to have to keep you here until late!" The strong, superior voice of Marlene says.

You immediately let go of Ashley and stand straight, hoping she didn't see anything and if she did she's pretending she didn't because she just walked out.

"Alright everyone, to work!" Lucy yells. She's like a little Marlene. Everyone starts filing out of Lucy's dressing room and you get to your own.

"So are you gonna start walking me to my dressing room every day?" You ask flirtatiously.

"Maybe" Ashley winks and leaves her outside your door. You watch as she walks away with a little sway to her hips because she knows you're watching. Maybe everything will be alright.

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><p><strong>Reviews are always greatly appreciated :)<strong>


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